I was in a deep sleep, dreaming about my grandma making her special andagi. The aroma filled the air and I ran to the kitchen to grab a andagi. As I was just about to take a bite of the warm and crispy doughnut, I woke up. Yawning, I could still sense the mouth watering smell of andagi. I raced to the kitchen and there it was, the round golden andagi laying on the metal rack. I couldn't believe that what I was dreaming about actually happened. My mom said it was probably because the scent of the andagi went straight up to my brain, so I began to dream about it.
Once you open the center of the andagi the aroma hits you right in the face and you can't wait to stuff it right in your mouth. I reached for the andagi and took a big bite. The soft, warm doughnut was a party on my taste-buds. "OH MY GOSH, this is so good!" I exclaimed. I turned to my grandma and I said "Grandma these are so oishi!" She laughed saying "Oh yeah? yay! I'm so happy."
Whenever our family goes to a party or celebration, my grandma always brings a tray of anadagi to share with others. At family gatherings I just see the people rush by grabbing one after the other. In the back I can hear relatives telling my grandma, "This is so good, how do you make it?" I can always just see the smile on my grandma's face when people ask her that. This dish has just been part of my life since I was a baby. I was watching my 1st birthday video and I could see my older sister holding one of grandma's andagi gobbling it all up.
My grandmother told me that when she was a child, during war time, her family wasn't able to afford to make andagi a lot so it was only on those special occasions where she was able to eat andagi. Now that she can afford to buy the ingredients needed, instead of making it only for the those special occasions, she makes it just to bless people. The andagi she makes isn't something that has been passed on but something that took time to practice to get perfect.
The best part about eating andagi isn't just the way it warms your mouth and the just right amount of sweetness that sets on your tongue but that you get to enjoy it with all your family and friends. I can't remember a single family party or event that there hasn't been andagi on the dessert table. Andagi has just been apart of my family and culture.
When asking my grandma about why she continues to make andagi, it made me feel that maybe I should make this into a tradition and carry on this recipe. As I looked up from my notepad, I asked my grandma "So why do you continue to make andagi?" My grandmother turned to me and said "Andagi is a part of my culture and I want to keep it alive. In Hawaii there are so many different desserts but I want people to have a taste of the Okinawan culture." "Wow!" I thought. That was so true. When I learn how to make andagi and how to prepare it exactly how my grandma does, I want to carry it on for generations to come.
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Good Description (:
ReplyDeleteHey Angela(:
ReplyDeleteOkay, well this is a good start for your rough draft. There were some outstanding parts in your writing while there could also be parts you can improve on.
Let's start with the parts I think you did great in. Well first, I think you did a great job in describing adangi. For example, you put, "The soft, warm doughnut was a party on my taste-buds." This is a good description because now, I feel like eating an andagi. You also described the memorable times you eat andagi greatly. I can picture in my mind everyone at your parties rushing to grab a piece of that golden andagi.
One part you could improve on is that you tend to repeat the word "aroma" quite a lot. You should find another word that can replace "aroma," you can use a synynom or something like that.
Other than that, you did an amazing job on your rough draft. Don't worry, I'm almost done with my rough draft so you can comment it later today. :P
-Kristen ^____^
Hi Angela,
ReplyDeleteNice job of describing your comfort food and the part it plays in your life. I agree with Kristen that you do a good job of making it come alive for the reader. And, although you actually don’t use the word “aroma” that much (I think I only counted it twice), I can see why she suggested finding an alternative. Think about the question, what hits you in the face? The sweetness? The steam? The buttery goodness? When you have the specific, you can use that instead of the more general “aroma”
I liked your mention of your birthday party video and your sister eating the undagi! And the part about your grandma’s life during the war, when they were not able to have the treat except on special occasions.
I think what you need to add are some of the specifics of the making of it…what are those ingredients that might be a little pricey or difficult to obtain during wartime? And a few details/action shots of your grandma actually making the dessert would strengthen the piece as well.
Overall, a really good job of sharing something that is part of your family and your culture!
Kiana—your commentary needs to be much more developed. The team commitment is that you invest time and thought and effort into the work of your classmates. Your comment does not give evidence of this commitment.
mrs s
Yo Angela (: Redoo ,
ReplyDeleteWell, the first paragraph had some good descriptions. In some sentences, you can improve it by adding descriptions decribing how it smells.
Some good descriptions that you had were, " The soft, warm doughnut was a party on my taste-buds." , "I raced to the kitchen and there it was, the round golden andagi laying on the metal rack.", & also "The best part about eating andagi isn't just the way it warms your mouth and the just right amount of sweetness that sets on your tongue but that you get to enjoy it with all your family and friends." Those sentences had good details on how the andagi looks & tastes like.
I think one of the things you need to improve on is using a similar word to "aroma." You tend to use the word aroma a lot.
Overall, Your essay draft is pretty good